hello sensei

The whole day today, one of my 4-year-old preschool kids, who I've now taught for almost 2 years, kept saying "Hello Sensei" to me. I just kept saying hello back, and he'd just continue talking.

Turns out, it's quite easy to maintain a conversation in Japanese with a preschooler, since it mainly involves a combination for the following:

a) repeating the verb they said with a rising intonation, making it sound like you're just getting confirmation about what they said.
b) hontou? "Really?"
c) sugoi!"That's awesome!"
d) a random English word, for when they may ask you what a Japanese word is in English (that you don't know in Japanese)

And, on the whole, you can get by sounding like you've totally understood what they say.

"I got a new toothbrush!"

"You got one? Really?"

"Yeah, it's blue and has Pikachu on it!"

"Really? That's awesome!"

"What's dinosaur in English?"

"um.... Cow. It's Cow."

It does only work though on the assumption that kids just talk about what they normally do. If they talk about something random or new, I'm a little screwed, since I've only got the same responses.

"I punched Kenta in the face today...."
"Punched? Really? That's awesome!"
"What's his name in English?
"Um... Cow. It's Cow."

Anyways, so after talking to this 4-year-old today, I was having my standard preschool conversation, but I couldn't help notice that the conversation seemed really weird. I had been talking to this kid for 10 minutes, and he'd still keep saying "Hello Sensei!", even though we had just greeted each other three or four times already. Up until that point, I was just chalking up him saying Hello multiple times to the fact that he was 4 years old, and so didn't think about it much and kept saying "Hello!" back, before going back to our regular conversation. After talking to him for a bit longer, he asked me "Does Hello Sensei speak Japanese?"

Then, it dawned on me. He's not greeting me. He thinks my name is Hello. He's been calling me Mr. Hello this whole time. I was kinda conflicted. Sure, it's ridiculously cute that a 4 year old thinks my name is Mr Hello and you can't help but laugh. But then, what the hell has he been thinking I've been doing for the last 2 years? Each time I come into the classroom to teach English and say "Hello!" the whole time, does he think that I've just been announcing my name, and getting everyone to practice saying it? And, just in our conversation, every time he's been trying to call me, I've been repeating back to him what he thinks is my name. Does he think I just like to randomly shout my name to people and smile and wave at the same time?

i am standing

"You are standing!"

cried Ryo, one of my favourites in 1st year. I kinda like him because he's actually one of the few that is yay-English, and likes me more than the adequate amount, for some reason. I didn't think twice about the fact he's been saying this to me for the past month, and giggles like every single time. Does he just think that stating the obvious in English is that hilarious? After seeing a comedian who dances around in a speedo spouting the same catch phrase, and  another comedian who has become famous for counting, I just chalked it up to me not getting Japanese humour at all. And who am I to judge when a kid wants to practice using the present continuous verb form?
    "Yes, I am" I reply, to which I'm again greeted by some huge chuckles and laughs. Yep, it's definitely gotta be some weird Japanese humour thing.

***

At an enkai, or staff party, I'm sitting on a table with a few other teachers I don't normally get to speak to. Being a staff party, beer is flowing and many teachers are bright red and talking loudly. One of my favourite teachers has told everyone that it's English time and all teachers have to speak English, Turning to the other science teacher, who just returned from his honeymoon earlier that year, my favourite teacher asks him in broken English, "Are you having a baby?"
"Oh, no no no no," replies the science teacher, shaking his head.
"Really? Why?"
"My boy, no stand up please. Stand up please, no!"

A little confused, I look to another English teacher who appears to almost be in the middle of wetting herself. Determined to understand what the science teacher has said in broken English, I ask him to repeat himself. Once again, he says "My boy," this time emphasizing it while pointing to his crotch, "is not standing, no!! My wife is very sad."

I kinda wish he didn't manage to get his point across.  It would have saved me from an awkward overshare from a drunken teacher, while remaining blissfully unaware that one of my favourite students has been mocking me this whole time and not as into English grammar as I thought he was.