So as I previously mentioned, I'm now at a new school since the start of April this year, when the new school year begins in Japan, perfectly coinciding with the cherry blossoms being in bloom. And sure, my school students didn't have the best reputation in the city, but after two and a half years with them, they were my students. So needless to say, I was quite sad to find out that I would be spending my last four months working in Japan with a whole new bunch of students and trying to start forming relationships with all of them from scratch once again.
That being said, it is like a second chance to start again, and helps me gain perspective on things. I can finally experience first hand what these other schools are like when they're not just focused on getting kids to not run out of class. I also get to distinguish what may be the general Japanese-school culture and what was specific to my previous school. Teachers at this new school are so... positive. It's weird. I feel slightly cynical as I just have a hunch that there are way more personal conflicts than I can see at the moment. But, I do hope my cynicism fades and I realise that they're just all happy and good at my school.
Also, starting again makes me realise how much I've changed since I started the first time. No longer am I nervous about getting in front of a class and talking. I came fresh out of uni and without a single good, relevant idea on what to teach these kids, and now I'm pulling ideas out of my butt for activities. Oh, and hate to toot my own horn, but I feel I've mastered the art of introducing myself, and I swear I've already beaten the other English teachers at my school at the self-introduction-off.
Unfortunately, I think I may have been trying to repress my memories of being stared at, and now at this new school, it's all coming back to me now. I think regular teachers here can strike up a rapport with students fairly quickly, and students feel at ease with them straight away. For me, I think there's the worry for them that they can't speak to me, or I'm a freak since I'm foreign. Also, kids don't know if I speak Japanese, and not being confident in their English makes them super awkward as well. I can't blame them - I don't know what the official stance is on whether or not they want me to speak to the kids in Japanese, so usually I just nod, and say things in English all the time. Which leads to the stares, awkward glances, and avoiding eye contact. Oh fun.
You know that feeling you have when you think people are talking about you behind your back, but you quietly think, "Oh, don't be so self-centered! They totally aren't talking about you!"? Well, turns out, some of them are. And, since they say it in Japanese, I'm conflicted. Do I say something back in Japanese, so they know I understand what they've said, or do I pretend I don't and ignore it, just so I can eavesdrop and learn even more?
