i am standing

"You are standing!"

cried Ryo, one of my favourites in 1st year. I kinda like him because he's actually one of the few that is yay-English, and likes me more than the adequate amount, for some reason. I didn't think twice about the fact he's been saying this to me for the past month, and giggles like every single time. Does he just think that stating the obvious in English is that hilarious? After seeing a comedian who dances around in a speedo spouting the same catch phrase, and  another comedian who has become famous for counting, I just chalked it up to me not getting Japanese humour at all. And who am I to judge when a kid wants to practice using the present continuous verb form?
    "Yes, I am" I reply, to which I'm again greeted by some huge chuckles and laughs. Yep, it's definitely gotta be some weird Japanese humour thing.

***

At an enkai, or staff party, I'm sitting on a table with a few other teachers I don't normally get to speak to. Being a staff party, beer is flowing and many teachers are bright red and talking loudly. One of my favourite teachers has told everyone that it's English time and all teachers have to speak English, Turning to the other science teacher, who just returned from his honeymoon earlier that year, my favourite teacher asks him in broken English, "Are you having a baby?"
"Oh, no no no no," replies the science teacher, shaking his head.
"Really? Why?"
"My boy, no stand up please. Stand up please, no!"

A little confused, I look to another English teacher who appears to almost be in the middle of wetting herself. Determined to understand what the science teacher has said in broken English, I ask him to repeat himself. Once again, he says "My boy," this time emphasizing it while pointing to his crotch, "is not standing, no!! My wife is very sad."

I kinda wish he didn't manage to get his point across.  It would have saved me from an awkward overshare from a drunken teacher, while remaining blissfully unaware that one of my favourite students has been mocking me this whole time and not as into English grammar as I thought he was.